Bearing Fruit
At the burning of an unknown art piece, I met a guy named Nick with whom I had a fascinating discussion. Something that stuck with me was his perspective on us (people who enjoy and participate in Burning Man) as fruit bearing trees. It can take many years for a fruit to first form on a fruit bearing tree and different seasons can yield different quality of fruit. My experience in Black Rock City (BRC) this year bore several perspective altering fruit. One is more personal and won’t be shared, but here are the other two.
On Being an Inconsiderate Person
There was a period of time where my friend Joey wasn’t speaking to me. I asked him if he was angry and he said he wasn’t. He just said that I was an inconsiderate person. I was surprised at this! I didn’t try to defend myself, I just began to reflect on what he said and if it had any truth.
It’s true, I can be an asshole on the road, when driving. But does that same assholeyness transfer to how I interact with those I care about?
I make my needs a priority. If there’s something I need, or something limiting me from being able to perform, I address that first. For me to be able to provide myself to others in a sustainable way, this has to be the case.
This perspective is a reaction to my past, where I would avail myself to others before tending to my own needs and priorities. This led to many cases where I was left in a poor situation after I spent a lot of my time and energy on others, not having enough left over to address my own needs. There were definitely other factors at play (not valuing myself enough, making poor decisions, etc.), but this led me to the place I find myself now.
On reflection of what Joey said, I realized that I went to the opposite side of the selfishness spectrum and that primarily addressing yourself first can be as negative as exclusively addressing yourself last. There is a middle ground that I haven’t really explored, where I can meet my needs and the needs of those around me in a less abrasive, sustainable way. My experience in BRC was really an invitation to explore that space.
Ego, Pride, and Humility
One message I’ve been repeatedly getting on the playa is to let go. But to let go of what? I don’t consider myself a particularly attached person. It was something that was ruminating in the back of my mind all week at Burning Man.
While at the Foley, after getting separated from friends and lost in thought, I came to the wild conclusion that I should step down as CEO from my startup, Lorable (to be the CTO). I was shocked at first at the thought, but then it immediately made sense. What I want to do at Lorable is focus on the tech and the product. That was what I cared about before building a company around this idea.
But somewhere along the way, I got caught up in the hype that comes with making a company. This was my idea, I started the project, I started this company, I’m the CEO! Me, me, me! The thing I needed to let go of was my ego, my pride that I had wrapped up and inflated in this project. If I consider myself to be the source of what we are working on with Lorable, I’ll be the ultimate limitation and eventually cause it to fail. A company is not a 1 man show. That perspective also disregard the awesome team that Lorable has that enables it to function and grow.
Letting go of this pride has been so fruitful. It makes so much sense for my partner Max to be the CEO, it pretty much matches what we’ve already been doing in running our business. Doing this gives us the right boundaries to stay in our lanes. It also opened up the operations role just in time to meet a uniquely qualified individual that may be a good fit!
I do care very much about where Lorable goes as a company and the decisions we make. But I don’t need to be the CEO to play this role. Founder and CTO is perfect for me, I still have the latitude to push our company in the direction I believe it needs to go, while focusing on the stuff I care most about.
Final Thoughts
Burning Man this year was amazing. I met some truly special people, that I can’t wait to see again. I ran into people whose body of work I respect like Paul Stamets and Alex Grey. The fellow entrepreneurs I encountered inspired me with the problems they are focused on solving. My ideas on polyamory, human connection, and (collective) consciousness were positively challenged. I was left with the feeling that we, humanity, do have what it takes to take on the challenges we face as a species, it’s just a matter of if we can come together to get it done.
Burning Man does indeed live up to the hype, and I can’t wait until the next time I’m in Black Rock City.
